The biggest problem was that we had no income due to my husband’s disability. I went to work getting my degree’s, learning how to recover from my dysfunctional family of origin, and how to deal with my hero who was very angry about what happened. My passion to help others grew while I was going to school, learning, and restructuring our lives to function in a different way due to the accident. For a while, everybody in our family was disorientated due to what happened. But as acceptance set in, we all began to change and become stronger.
I remember one day before it all began, my son at the age of 12 came to me crying and saying “mom, I really need my dad”, I felt helpless because I couldn’t give him what he needed, and at the time neither could his dad. In his confusion and unmet needs, he had to take over his dad’s job and start work at 14.
As a result, there were a lot of behavioral problems with my son, with drugs and alcohol. My daughters felt lost as young adults, moving out moving in, with no individual stability. Watching them trying to find themselves in the middle of this disaster became stressful. I couldn’t help them either because I didn’t know what I was going to do. I felt lost in myself due to this tragedy. I counted and depended on my husband to continue to take care of us financially and now he could not. I didn’t have a father who took care of me or thought of me, but prior to this tragedy my husband did that for me.
All my life, I would attach myself to people, problems and my environment to give me an identity. I could not break free enough to know who I was or to explore career possibilities. Feelings of accomplishment and having a purpose were all out of my reach. I was so busy taking care of everyone else that I never stopped to look at who I was or what I needed in life.
My head was spinning in my emotions we’re all over the place. My heart was broken, our dream was gone. I felt defeated, insecure and frustrated. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn. All I knew was our life had changed. It would never be the same again. Finally, when I got my head in the right place, I made a decision to make my life better regardless of what had happened.
I decided to move forward and continue personal growth with the things I knew I could do. I still had things that I loved to do and that I hadn’t experienced yet. I had wanted a business of my own, I wanted to dance again, I wanted to get an education but I had neglected for so long period.
I had lived over half of my life thinking I wouldn’t struggle to be with my husband and here was this crisis in my face. I felt defeated and in shock. In my shock and disappointment and with the guidance of my first coach I decided. “I would do whatever it took to get my life back and be able to support myself financially”. I had been utilizing my own personal growth methods since I was 16. Now I needed a new direction for my life.
I had homeschooled my children for 8 years. I decided the only way forward was to get a formal education myself.
That decision that I made with the help of a coach changed my life forever. I went to college and got into therapy and continued getting coaching.
Just as I began to regroup and feel a little better my dad passed away, my dad was my abuser and the person I looked up to. I felt trapped in grief and mixed emotions. I became antisocial due to the shame that arose from how I felt. I quit college and couldn’t function. Even though I stopped everything because of the grief and disappointment I experienced, working towards getting the life I wanted was a priority. I remember the day I told someone I trusted that I was suicidal, and a sheriff showed up at my door to do a suicide check. That felt very scary, but I was naive.
My passion grew to help others navigate through trying times.
Once I made the decision to make the changes I needed to make, life was good again. I felt challenged again and I love feeling challenged. I had coaches and therapists to guide me along the path to my new journey. If it had not been for them I’m not sure if I would have made it. I also began to go to Al-Anon on a regular basis. this really helped me to resolve the childhood issues that I had ignored for so many years. Once I figured out that I wasn’t a result of my childhood any longer I was able to move forward on a successful journey of getting my education starting with a GED. Then moving on to a bachelor’s degree and then to a master’s degree. I also began acting by hiring an acting coach for 5 years and playing some roles which were my lifelong dream as well. I began dancing again and loved being on the dance floor. My relationship with my children and my spouse healed and improved.
I was helped by so many people, coaches, programs, sponsors in motivators. I was introduced and mentored by powerful positive mentors. If I could do all that after such a tragedy you can too. I have a burning passion to see others accomplish their dreams and goals as I have experienced mine. I know the road to happiness and success and want to take others on the journey to help them improve their lives.
I continued in my mental therapy and getting coached. As I did the personal growth, I began to achieve what I always wanted. I began to feel accepted and secure in who I was as a person. When your healing and growth brings you to a place of wholeness, you believe you deserve positive things to come to you, then you attract them.
I am free from the guilt and shame that come along with the lack of self-confidence that is created from abuse.
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