I am so excited about my NEW book release. I have put
a sample piece here of what is in the book.
Have you ever finished talking to someone and felt misunderstood or disrespected? Or felt a little crazy from what they just said to you?
You are not alone. You can learn how to reverse what has happened to you and how what happened affected you.
Boundaries to Freedom
In the book Boundaries to Freedom you learn how to set healthy boundaries, have more confidence and think differently about yourself. You will gain the empowerment and confident feelings you have always wanted. Learn how to filter and detach from the accusations, blame and degrading comments that are verbally directed at you. Change how negative responses from toxic relationships affect you and brings hope of repair. You will create relationships that are welcoming and pleasurable. Recover from sadness, depression, and hopelessness in your life and your relationships.
Di Giacomo tells her story about how she was verbally and emotionally abused most of her life. She gives examples of what happened to her, and how she learned to be confident and healed from it. She tells the inspiring story about how she got free from the mental and emotional damage that results from continuous abuse.
What you get
In Boundaries to Freedom, you get a helpful list of healthy and non-healthy boundaries to print out. This list will give you a quick reference to use when you are being bombarded by someone verbally or emotionally abusing you. The list will teach you how to know a healthy boundary from an unhealthy one.
Learning to have healthy boundaries is an exciting adventure, an exercise in personal liberation. It means coming to know ourselves and increasing our awareness of what we stand for. It also means self-acceptance and knowing that we are OK just as we are and worthy of the good things in life.
There are several areas where boundaries apply: Here are some of them::
- Determine whether you give or lend things, such as your money, car, clothes, books, food, or toothbrush.
- These pertain to your personal space, privacy, and body. Do you give a handshake or a hug – to whom and when? How do you feel about loud music, nudity, and locked doors?
- These apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions. Are you easily suggestible? Do you know what you believe, and can you hold onto your opinions? Can you listen with an open mind to someone else’s opinion without becoming rigid? If you become highly emotional, argumentative, or defensive, you may have weak emotional boundaries.
- Distinguish separating your emotions and responsibility for them from someone else’s. It’s like an imaginary line or force field that separates you and others. Healthy boundaries prevent you from giving advice, blaming or accepting blame. They protect you from feeling guilty for someone else’s negative feelings or problems and taking others’ comments personally. High reactivity suggests weak emotional boundaries.
More of what’s in the book:
People who grow up in a dysfunctional family may fail to learn the difference between love and sympathy. Children growing up in these conditions may learn to have sympathy for the emotional crippling in their parents’ lives and feel that the only time they get attention is when they show compassion for the parent. They feel that when they forgive, they are showing love. Actually, they are rescuing the parent and enabling abusive behavior to continue. They learn to give up their own protective boundaries in order to take care of the dysfunctional parent.
In adulthood, they carry these learned behaviors into their relationships. If they can rescue their partner, they feel that they are showing love. They get a warm, caring, sharing feeling from helping their partner – a feeling they call love. This may actually encourage their partner to become needy and helpless. An imbalance can then occur in the relationship in which one partner becomes the rescuer and the other plays the role of the helpless victim. In this case, healthy boundaries which allow both partners to live complete lives are absent. Mature love requires the presence of healthy and flexible boundaries.
Sympathy and compassion
These emotions are worthy qualities, but they are not to be confused with love, especially when boundaries have become distorted. Healthy boundaries lead to respect for the other and equality in a relationship, an appreciation for the aliveness and strength of the other person, and a mutual flow of feelings between the two partners – all features of mature love. When one partner is in control and the other is needy and helpless, there is no room for the normal give-and-take of a healthy relationship.