Do you struggle with thoughts that put you down?

Do you have a bully in your head?

 Bullying is defined as repeated and unwanted aggressive verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Having these verbal and emotional words directed towards you on a constant basis creates negative thinking about yourself. This negative thinking is produced and occurs over time with an imbalance of power between the bully and the victim: YOU.


 From age nine to sixteen I was raised with verbal and emotional abuse. As a result, I struggled with anger and depression until I learned that verbal abuse was being bullied and was worse than physical abuse. As I became an adult, I learned all about what abuse or bullying can do to a person. After becoming aware of how damaging bullying can be and putting that knowledge into practice, I became aware that I could think differently. I could not monitor my negative thinking by myself because I could not feel good long enough about myself to stand up to the mental bully alone. I got a coach and with her empathy and caring, I felt the courage to address the negative thinking. As I went on the journey of training my mind to think differently about myself, I gained freedom from the negative thoughts that kept me in self-hatred.

Did you know… As I became aware of the negative thinking that was created by the bullying or abuse that I received from my parents I realized why I was insecure and had low self-esteem. So, I began my research journey in personal growth to become healed and whole. I made a decision that I wasn’t going to live like that anymore. One of the ways I did this was to change the way I thought about myself. You see when you’re bullied or abused verbally your value of yourself goes way down and you think that’s the way you should treat yourself. It somehow subconsciously feels right to you. And that’s when self-hatred enters into your psyche which causes you to not value or care about yourself.

 You are a very important component in the fight against mental bullying. Changing how you think about and treat yourself are the key factors that help you change your perception of who you really are.

 Why it matters… The negative thoughts that come to your mind tell you things like you are worthless, you have no value, you can’t do things. We will call the negative thoughts your “gatekeeper”. We all have a gatekeeper. Some people’s gatekeepers are meaner than others are. The gatekeeper is someone who stands at your gate of accomplishment, positive thoughts, or enthusiasm and bullies you by telling you negative things about yourself. You may have had a verbal abuser sometime in your life and your mind doesn’t know or realize the difference between the verbal bullying or the thinking that goes on in your mind that bully you.

If you were verbally bullied as a young adult or child those words enter into our mind and don’t go away. At a certain age when you are young whatever is said to you, you believe It’s true. That belief follows you through life and develops into the bully or gatekeeper in your thoughts. The gatekeeper usually shows up later in life after you are away from the verbal bullying because the words are still there.

 What to do…Steps to overcoming the “gatekeeper” “First” imagine an image in your head of someone mean. Example: the joker, or whoever symbolizes someone for you who feels mean. It helps to have a visual in your mind for a point of reference.

  1. Stand up to the gatekeeper. If you hear negative words in your head, stand up to them. Say: “oh it’s just you gatekeeper.” Not participating with the old tapes of negative thinking will change how you feel about yourself. Make sure that you are actively taking a stand to prevent the gatekeeper from getting your attention further.

You can interfere with the gatekeeper by 

  1. Speaking to the gatekeeper and replacing new words about yourself. Creating affirmations to say out loud that are positive about who you are or the opposite of what the gatekeeper is telling you.
  2. Make it clear to the gatekeeper that you don’t participate in those kinds of words anymore. Try saying something like, “I don’t like those words. These are the words I use now”
  3. If the gatekeeper is intentionally telling you that you are left out, tell the gatekeeper “you are lying”, because I am included. Try saying out loud something like, “I believe I am wanted, included, and valuable!

  Please reply and let me know if you would like to learn about other topics that would help you. If you want to do more work in this area see below:

  NOTE: If this newsletter helped you please reply>> If you would like a free 45 minutes REMOVE THE BULLY NOW  Breakthrough Coaching Session”
or any current issue you are dealing with now.  

During the REMOVE THE BULLY NOW ” breakthrough coaching session, you will:

  • Get a crystal-clear vision for managing YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.
  • Create milestone objectives for consistent relief.
  • Develop a three-stage action plan.
  • Uncover hidden challenges sabotaging you.
  • Leave the session renewed, energized and inspired to live free of the gatekeeper. 

I help entrepreneurs heal from past pain or failures, gain confidence and experience mental freedom to 10x their business income.

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Kathy Di Giacomo Coaching LLC