Codependency Boundaries and Relationships

Hello, I’m so glad you clicked on the link…As promised….

My stepmom was mean and cruel to my sister and me”

My stepmom was mean and cruel to us and my dad was loyal to her. She would rile him up against us. She would yell ‚Äúbeat them Lale‚ÄĚ and he would. He would drink and get very angry.

The verbal abuse was continuous with judgment, criticism of our feelings, and yelling at us for inappropriate reasons. One incident I remember well was when my stepmom would scream in a high-pitched voice when I was eating ‚Äúhold your fork right‚ÄĚ and I had not even been instructed there was a ‚Äúright‚ÄĚ way to hold a fork. To this day I can hear that high-pitched scream in my head, but it does not affect my emotions or confidence as a person now.

My sister and I ran away several times only to have the police side with my dad and stepmom

 

I am so excited about this NEW book release. I have put a sample piece here of what is in the book.

Have you ever finished talking to someone and felt misunderstood or disrespected? Or felt a little crazy from what they just said to you?

You are not alone. You can learn how to reverse what has happened to you and how what happened affected you.

Boundaries to Freedom

In the book Boundaries to Freedom you learn how to set healthy boundaries, have more confidence and think differently about yourself. You will gain the empowerment and confident feelings you have always wanted. Learn how to filter and detach from the accusations, blame and degrading comments that are verbally directed at you. Change how negative responses from toxic relationships affect you and brings hope of repair. You will create relationships that are welcoming and pleasurable. Recover from sadness, depression, and hopelessness in your life and your relationships.

My Story

Di Giacomo tells her story about how she was verbally and emotionally abused most of her life. She gives examples of what happened to her, and how she learned to be confident and healed from it. She tells the inspiring story about how she got free from the mental and emotional damage that results from continuous abuse.

What you get

In Boundaries to Freedom, you get a helpful list of healthy and non-healthy boundaries to print out. This list will give you a quick reference to use when you are being bombarded by someone verbally or emotionally abusing you. The list will teach you how to know a healthy boundary from an unhealthy one.

Learning to have healthy boundaries is an exciting adventure, an exercise in personal liberation. It means coming to know ourselves and increasing our awareness of what we stand for. It also means self-acceptance and knowing that we are OK just as we are and worthy of the good things in life.

                     There are several areas where boundaries apply:                                Here are some of them::

Material boundaries

  • Determine whether you give or lend things, such as your money, car, clothes, books, food, or toothbrush.

Physical boundaries

  • These pertain to your personal space, privacy, and body. Do you give a handshake or a hug ‚Äď to whom and when? How do you feel about loud music, nudity, and locked doors?

Mental boundaries

  • These apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions. Are you easily suggestible? Do you know what you believe, and can you hold onto your opinions? Can you listen with an open mind to someone else‚Äôs opinion without becoming rigid? If you become highly emotional, argumentative, or defensive, you may have weak emotional boundaries.

Emotional boundaries

  • Distinguish separating your emotions and responsibility for them from someone else‚Äôs. It‚Äôs like an imaginary line or force field that separates you and others. Healthy boundaries prevent you from giving advice, blaming or accepting blame. They protect you from feeling guilty for someone else‚Äôs negative feelings or problems and taking others‚Äô comments personally. High reactivity suggests weak emotional boundaries.

More of what’s in the book:

The Difference Between Love and Rescue

People who grow up in a dysfunctional family may fail to learn the difference between love and sympathy. Children growing up in these conditions may learn to have sympathy for the emotional crippling in their parents’ lives and feel that the only time they get attention is when they show compassion for the parent. They feel that when they forgive, they are showing love. Actually, they are rescuing the parent and enabling abusive behavior to continue. They learn to give up their own protective boundaries in order to take care of the dysfunctional parent.

In adulthood, they carry these learned behaviors into their relationships. If they can rescue their partner, they feel that they are showing love. They get a warm, caring, sharing feeling from helping their partner – a feeling they call love. This may actually encourage their partner to become needy and helpless. An imbalance can then occur in the relationship in which one partner becomes the rescuer and the other plays the role of the helpless victim. In this case, healthy boundaries which allow both partners to live complete lives are absent. Mature love requires the presence of healthy and flexible boundaries.

  Sympathy and compassion

These emotions are worthy qualities, but they are not to be confused with love, especially when boundaries have become distorted. Healthy boundaries lead to respect for the other and equality in a relationship, an appreciation for the aliveness and strength of the other person, and a mutual flow of feelings between the two partners Рall features of mature love. When one partner is in control and the other is needy and helpless, there is no room for the normal give-and-take of a healthy relationship.  

To read more about the book you can go here: 

Confidence and Success Coaching

You can go deeper into realizing who you are and finding freedom from negative thoughts which cause negative emotions. You will have more accountability to create consistent and improved joy and happiness. I would love to meet with you to see how I can help.

Go See How the Program Works

Schedule a free 45-minute ‚ÄúHow to reverse feelings of¬†anger, depression or shame‚Ä̬†Breakthrough Strategy Session ‚Äúor any current issue you are dealing with now.¬†Schedule FREE¬†

  Follow the prompts>you are not joining, just scheduling>>>Before you schedule please fill out the questionnaire. HERE

 You will come away feeling: 

  • Renewed

  • Energized

  • Empowered

  • Courageous

To see more of my credentials go here

To get more free coaching join our FB support group page

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Kathy Di Giacomo Coaching
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